7 Reasons NOT to Feed Your Dog Raw Dog Food (Based on Facts)

In recent years, the trend of feeding raw diets to dogs has been on the rise. With that rising trend comes rising controversy over the subject. Proponents of the raw dog food diet (a diet centering on raw meat, bones, fruits and vegetables) claim it is more biologically appropriate and leads to better long-term health in canines. Last week, Dom even published an article on this.

However, there is no concrete evidence to support this. Studies continue, but there is mounting evidence to support the notion that a raw diet could actually be harmful to your dog. Mainstream veterinarians and the FDA tend to oppose the raw diet (PDF), and studies supporting this opposition have been published in veterinary journals.

One study performed in 2001 concluded that raw dog food diets (both commercial and homemade) were nutrient deficient or excessive in ways which could negatively impact health significantly. This study was published in the Journal of the American Veterinary Association medical journal and have been widely referenced by vets and other studies.

The subject of raw is highly controversial, and the decision is a very subjective one. We have previously discussed BARF diet here. There’s ton of information available on the subject for you to educate yourself. No matter what you decide to feed your dog, you are encouraged to consult your veterinarian, along with the latest scientific research.

Educate yourself on your dog’s breed, conditions, size, and medical history. Observe how he reacts to certain foods. And, if you decide to feed raw, just be safe and do your homework on all of the above points. We’ve had a dog nutrition specialist, a PhD in nutrition on one of our podcasts discussing nutrition for canines, so have a listen here.

Your dog can live a long, happy and healthy life, and that journey starts and ends with the diet you choose. Just choose what you feel most benefits your canine companion based on facts and research rather than propaganda, and be sure to seek guidance from a veterinarian or a certified canine nutritionist (with a PhD) before making the final decision.

RELATED: Raw Diet for Dogs 101 – The Ultimate Guide

7 Reasons Not to Feed Your Dog Raw Dog Food

reasons not to feed your dog raw1. Bacterial contaminants

Studies of raw pet food diets show that the meats can contain bacterial contamination. Raw meat may contain any of the following:

  • coli bacteria
  • Salmonella
  • Campylobacter
  • Clostridium perfringens
  • Clostridium botulinium
  • Staphylococcus aureus

All of these are known to be canine (and human) pathogens. Additional canine pathogens include the following:

  • Neospora caninum (found in raw beef)
  • Nanophyetus salmincola (found in raw salmon)
  • Trichinella spiralis (found in raw pork and wild game like as deer, elk, and moose)

These bacterial pathogens can not only cause illness, but can be fatal as well.

2. Hazards of Bones

Bones can lead to choking and puncturing of internal digestive organs. They can splinter, causing damage to the throat, stomach or intestines. Bones can also lead to chipped or broken teeth.

3. Preexisting conditions

Dogs with preexisting medical conditions can have their delicate health further negatively impacted by the nutritional deficiencies or excesses provided by a raw diet. Raw dog food diets can prove unhealthy for pets with liver issues, pancreatitis, and digestive issues.

Dogs on chemotherapy and dogs who have immunosuppressive diseases can also suffer further from a raw diet. If your dog has a chronic disorder or disease, you should only administer the diet recommended by your veterinarian.

RELATED: 11 Best Superfoods for Dogs That May Improve Their Health

reasons not to feed your dog raw

4. Improper ratios

Puppies need the proper balance of calcium, protein, fat, calcium, and phosphorous. Without these balances in place, they can suffer from stunted growth and bone deformation. This may also lead to dental issues (as teeth are bones).

For puppies and adult dogs alike, too much vitamin A can be toxic over an extended period of time. Raw dog food diets high in liver contain excessive vitamin A. It’s tough to find the right ratios of nutrients when feeding a raw diet.

5. Nutritional Deficiencies

The simple truth is that most dog owners are not veterinarians. Getting the nutritional balance of your dog’s food correct is a science. Raw diets not properly prepared can be deficient in vital nutrients, which will have a negative impact on your dog’s health over time.

The problem with nutritional deficiencies is that they take a long time to present. So, you likely will not notice an issue in your dog’s health until he has had the issue for a long time.

6. Digestibility

It is difficult for dogs to digest raw vegetables. In fact, most of the nutrients in vegetables become more available to dogs after they are cooked and ground. Raw vegetables are often poorly digested by dogs.

7. Expense

Making or purchasing raw diets can be costly, time consuming, and inconvenient. The ingredients required for homemade recipes are numerous, and spoil quickly. The recipes can take a lot of time and effort to put together, and they must be made often.

It is very difficult to travel with raw food as well. It’s also hard to provide this diet to a dog who is being watched by a friend or boarding facility. And it is difficult to store, requiring refrigeration and freezing.

RELATED: 15 Cheap Ways To Prevent Most Common Health Issues in Dogs

reasons not to feed your dog raw

Countering the Raw Proponents and Dispelling Myths

People who support raw diets for dogs have their own claims about why is it necessary and effective. But, some of those arguments make claims which may not be valid or true. Here are a few:

Myth #1: Dogs are Wolves, and Should Eat Like Wolves

Raw advocates surmise that because dogs evolved from wolves (who are carnivores), it is only logical that they should eat as wild wolves eat – namely, carcasses. The problem is that domesticated dog species are significantly removed from wolves.

Dogs have been evolving alongside man as our companions for at least 18,000 years, and dogs broke away from wolves genetically speaking approximately 40,000 years ago. This leaves a lot of time for evolution.

Dogs, unlike cats, are not obligate carnivores. They are omnivores, and as such, they can handle a variety of foods for digestion. In fact, wolves eat a substantial amount of vegetable matter in the wild.

Myth #2: Commercial Diets Lack Proper Nutritional Content

Is raw diet healthy for dogsCommercial diets are scientifically formulated according to AAFCO standards to be in accordance with the complex nutritional profiles and requirements of dogs. The science of creating good, nutritionally balanced foods is a never ending endeavor.

Veterinarians and nutritional experts learn more every year about how to improve upon formulated dog foods.

The foods are tested in feeding trials extensively before hitting market shelves. On the other hand, commercial raw diets are less often tested, and homemade diets almost never are.

Raw diets are therefore unlikely to be as nutritionally balanced as commercially produced and vigorously tested dog foods. It’s just a fact.

I recommend reading this article from the people who know much better than I do.

Myth #3: Commercial Diets Cause Canine Illness

There is no real evidence to support this claim. Furthermore, because dogs are living longer now than they used to, there is a higher prevalence of age-related illnesses in our canine companions.

Myth #4: Dogs React Badly to Grains

Lab testing actually demonstrates that cooked grains can be a great source of energy for dogs, along with providing protein and other nutrients. The claim that dogs cannot digest grains is also not valid; as stated above, dogs are omnivores who are capable of digesting a variety of foods besides meat.

People also blame grains for food allergies in dogs. While this can be true, it is more often the case that dogs are allergic to meat than to other food sources.

Myth #5: Cooking Dog Food Has Negative Affects

Raw proponents claim that cooking food can destroy all the nutrients. While it stands to reason that cooking does deplete some nutritional content, there is a science to cooking at the correct temperatures to retain maximum nutrition. And, it is important to remember that cooking is the key to destroying the things we want to destroy in food – pathogens.

READ NEXT: 3 Common Canine Diseases Linked to Dog Food

Proposed bill would allow farmers to sell raw milk, other products to public

BISMARCK, N.D. – A bill at the North Dakota State Legislature drew so much attention Thursday, it needed to have a change of venue to accommodate the people who came to testify.

Dozens of family farmers showed up to support a bill that would allow them to sell raw milk and other food products to the public.

The bill’s sponsor says it’s a consumer bill, which allows for more freedom of choice for everyone involved. Some who produce raw products talked about how there are many misconceptions surrounding them.

“When raw milk is behind the scenes and it is buried, almost black market, we cannot do the full public education that we can when it is a legal product,” says LeAnne Harner, farmer.

Others testified about the health benefits about a diet centered around raw food products.

Health risks associated with raw food diets, Eau Claire vet says

Eau Claire (WQOW) – The risk factor of eating raw meat is no secret. You wouldn’t feed it to your family members on two legs, but what about the ones on four? The popularity of raw food diets is rising, but local vets said it might not be for the right reasons.

A common reason vets said people turn to all raw foods is to create a more natural diet, but they said what’s natural for wolves isn’t necessarily natural for pets who have been on dog food for generations.

“There’s a lot of things that have been attributed to it, positive effects that have been attributed to it that simply aren’t true,” said Dr. Dave Menard, a veterinarian at Northside Pet Hospital.  He said if pet owners aren’t careful with how the food is being prepared, they can also put themselves at risk.

“There have been a lot of cases of listeria bacteria and salmonella bacteria being shed by these dogs after on a raw diet because they’re infected with it from the diet, from the raw meat,” Dr. Menard said. “Those are very common bacteria that are found through the butchering process that can contaminate the meat. It can be quite serious. They shed, and we get exposed to them. They affect people so there’s zoonotic bacteria and can make people very very sick.”

Vets said there can be a benefit to feeding dogs a raw diet if they have allergies to something that’s in dog food, but said a very small percentage of dogs have these allergies. They said the most important thing to keep in mind is to just make sure your dog has a balanced diet.

Drew Barrymore reveals the disgusting things she ate for her new zombie show

drew barrymore santa clarita diet netflix

Saeed Adyani / Netflix

Drew Barrymore stars on Netflix’s “Santa Clarita Diet.”

Drew Barrymore really dedicated herself to playing a zombie for her new comedy, Netflix’s “Santa Clarita Diet.”

On the show, Barrymore plays suburban wife and mom Sheila, who inexplicably begins to grow ill and crave human flesh, among other symptoms of the undead. In the role, Barrymore vomits… a lot, tears into people with her teeth, and eats newly killed animals and human flesh.

Barrymore said she came to the role quite hungry, because she was on a diet for the job.

“I was so hungry when we started,” she told reporters at a Netflix event on Wednesday. “I was trying to lose 20 pounds, that was my goal. I was 144 when we started and I ended up at 124. In order to do that, you have to eat really sensibly. Listen, she was eating humans. And if you’re on an all-protein diet, you would thin out. There’s just no question about it. So it gave me a goal line that I committed to.”

But Barrymore said that the actual things she had to eat for “Santa Clarita Diet” were almost as gross as what viewers see on the show.

“It was always different stuff,” she said. “Some days it was dehydrated apples made to look fleshy. Some days, it was this weird edible rubber that tasted like Jolly Rancher. Sometimes it was like a wet cake to be a fake piece of chicken. Sometimes, it was like a soup that had gone bad to portray vomit, that had actually curdled. It was always a fun cornucopia. Every day was interesting.”

Of all that, the 41-year-old actress said there was one fake food that surprised her when it made her sick.

“The raw beef, that one almost made me yak in the sink,” Barrymore said. “It had a cream and it curdled. It was fake raw meat. It didn’t taste very good. Weirdly, of all the things, the raw meat was one that got me. That was one that took me down and almost made me throw up.”

A source from the show’s production told Business Insider that the fake raw beef was made of “a yucky pasta.”

Dog Food Company Recalls Products That May Contain Pentobarbital : The Two-Way : NPR

Citing the possible presence of pentobarbital, a chemical used to euthanize animals, pet food maker Evanger’s has issued a partial recall of its popular Hunk of Beef Au Jus product. Several pugs grew ill after eating it on New Year’s Eve; one of the dogs died.

As the company says in its FDA recall notice, “Pentobarbital can affect animals that ingest it, and possibly cause side effects such as drowsiness, dizziness, excitement, loss of balance, or nausea, or in extreme cases, possibly death.”

The Hunk of Beef cans in question were manufactured in June 2016; they bear lot numbers that start with 1816E03HB, 1816E04HB, 1816E06HB, 1816E07HB, and 1816E13HB and have an expiration date of June 2020. And although the cans that prompted concerns were all sold in Washington state, the company says the voluntary recall covers all Hunk of Beef cans that were produced in the same week.

Based in Wheeling, Ill., Evanger’s says this is the company’s first recall in its 82 years of operation. And while its meat suppliers are all approved by the USDA, the company says, it has cut ties to the supplier of meat used in the recalled products.

“We feel that we have been let down by our supplier, and in reference to the possible presence of pentobarbital, we have let down our customers,” Evanger’s says. “Despite having a relationship for forty years with the supplier of this specific beef, who also services many other pet food companies, we have terminated our relationship with them and will no longer purchase their beef for use in our Hunk of Beef product.”

Evanger’s first learned of the incident in Washington state when the pet’s grieving owner posted an image to Instagram. The company then offered to pay the veterinary bills incurred by the family whose dogs were ill — but it wasn’t until weeks later, Evanger’s says, that it learned of the possible pentobarbital contamination.

“This beef supplier provides us with beef chunks from cows that are slaughtered in a USDA facility. We continue to investigate how this substance entered our raw material supply,” the pet food maker says.

The incident also brought out the worst in some online commenters, forcing the family-owned company to ask for more civility, even as it extended its sympathies to Nikki Mael and her family over their pet’s death:

“Our hearts go out to the Mael family for this difficult time, as well as because unkind things have been posted on social media that have needlessly been [directed] at both of our families as a result of these claims. We ask that the public discontinue any and all threats and harsh words to either party, as this has been a hard time for everyone involved.”

When the FDA studied the possible presence of pentobarbital in dog food, it was primarily investigating whether the presence of trace amounts might make the anesthetizing agent less effective in animals that are undergoing veterinary procedures.

As part of that study, the FDA’s scientists also checked pet food for signs of dog or cat DNA — looking at the possibility that a euthanized animal might have been included among the rendered meat supply for dry dog food. After the study found no trace of dog or cat DNA, the agency concluded, “Presently, it is assumed that the pentobarbital residues are entering pet foods from euthanized, rendered cattle or even horses.”

Should Your Dog Eat a Raw Food Diet?

Feeding your dog a raw food diet is a fast growing trend at the moment. So why it stands apart from your ordinary kibble? 

What is a Raw Food Diet for Dogs?  

The objective of a raw food diet is to provide your dog with the most readily available bio-available nutrition. This essentially means your dog is getting food in its whole form without any processing. Therefore, it has the highest, intact amount of natural vitamins, minerals and enzymes that your pet can absorb and process.

raw food | Longevity LIVE “There are seven basic categories of nutrients that your pet requires. Water, proteins, fats, carbohydrates (including fiber), vitamins and minerals.” Explains Hill’s Pet Nutrition Veterinary Advisor, Dr Guy Fyvie.

With most forms of store bought pet food, the quantity of real meat used is usually quite low, in order to make it cheaper. The other concern is that the majority of nutrients the food should contain are destroyed due to the fact that it gets extruded at extremely high temperatures.

Lastly, in order to prolong its shelf life, many preservatives are added which have the same negative effects on your pet that it would on you.

However, not all readily available kibble and pellets are unhealthy for your dog. Many veterinary recommended brands usually have got far better nutritional value, given that produce used is of good quality and has been extruded at a low, undamaging temperature.

Nutritional consultant for Paleo Pets Pure, Isis Limor, always suggests the following advice when in search for the best food for your pet, “look for simple ingredients that have names you can recognise and pronounce”.

Is a Raw Food Diet Better?

raw food | Longevity LIVE At this point, there have been no scientific studies done to prove that a raw food diet is in any way better for your dog than a premium quality pellet brand. However, what is understood a nutrient rich diet is necessary for optimal health.

“A readily available nutrient profile with appropriate protein, energy and micronutrients is key.” Explains Kyle Smith, owner of Bentley Natural Dog Food.

Switching Your Dog to a Raw Food Diet

It is important to do your homework and know what to look for first…

  1. High levels of Omega 3
    Just as with humans, this essential fatty acid is quite scarce in our diets and crucial for wellbeing.
  2. Leafy greens that have are broken down
    Dogs in particular do not have the enzymes necessary to break down raw green vegetables.
  3. raw food | Longevity LIVE Healthy calcium and phosphorus levels
    Experts recommend that each mineral should take up less than 1% of your dog’s meal
  4. Locally sourced brands
    It’s extremely important to choose a local brand to ensure the integrity of the food is not compromised. With shipping raw food, you will always run a higher risk of bacterial contamination.
  5. A manufacturer registered with the Department of Agriculture
    The Department of Agriculture performs all the necessary microbiology examinations to ensure its produce is safe for consumption.


Keeping Your Dog on a Pellet-Based Diet

  1. Stay clear of artificial ingredients
    BHT (butylated hydroxytoluene) is a carcinogenic product that is used to preserve the fat in dry food.
    Ethoxyquin is actually a main ingredient in herbicides and is associated with many ailments such as kidney and liver damage.
  2. Watch out for corn syrup
    This is commonly found in both human and pet food and it is always best to stay away from it, as the sugar content can lead to weight gain, diabetes or hyperactivity.
  3. raw food | Longevity LIVE Limited Grain
    A certain amount is necessary as it serves as a form of fiber, however in high quantities the can become nutrient blockers.
  4. Whole meat sources
    Always look for simple meat ingredients to ensure you are getting the best quality protein. Stay clear of ingredients that use the word “derivatives”.
  5. Supplement in some whole food
    Every now and then, try and add some whole food to your pet’s diet. It’s best way to give them access to powerful anti-oxidants and phyto-nutrient.

Six tips for healthier Super Bowl snacks | Food

On February 5, 2017, NFL and Lady Gaga fans unite in homes across North America to celebrate the 51st annual Super Bowl. It’s no secret that during the game many tend to indulge on elaborate spreads of junk food, including nachos, chicken wings and of course, beer and soda. With the ink on New Year resolutions barely dry, Heather Pace, raw food chef and author of Sweetly Raw Desserts, has compiled six tips to help incorporate healthy choices into those notoriously calorie-packed Super Bowl snacks.

1. Ditch the chips

Over $140.2 million is spent on potato chips the week leading up to the Super Bowl (Nielsen, 2016 ). Pace suggests cutting down (or cutting out) the deep fried chips, opting instead for fresh cucumber slices, carrot rounds, baked sweet potato chips, or kale chips. These options will provide the same crunch without all the unnecessary calories.

2. Get creative with your drinks

Instead of drinking sugary sodas, try adding chopped fruit like mango, strawberries, and pineapple to a pitcher of water, along with a handful of fresh mint leaves. If craving something with bubbles, add sparkling water to the mix. Not only is this beverage sweet and fruity, it will keep you hydrated and refreshed throughout the game.

3. Make it yourself

According to the Calorie Control Council, Super Bowl party-goers can consume upwards of 2,400 calories during the game. To avoid eating hidden calories, Pace recommends making your own snacks instead of buying prepared food. This way, you’ll know exactly how much you’re actually consuming.

4. Fibre is your friend

Incorporating more fibre rich foods into your spread will keep guests nourished and satisfied. Keep it fun and interesting by creating a big veggie platter with things like sliced watermelon radishes, mini cucumbers, steamed asparagus, roasted sweet potato spears, bell pepper strips, carrot sticks, and roasted green beans.

5. Downsize the dairy

Many of the popular dips served over game day can contain up to 150 calories per serving (2 tbsp). Forget the dairy laden, calorie dense dips sold in stores and go for options like hummus, babba ganouj (eggplant dip), guacamole, fresh salsa, or cashew sour cream with herbs.

6. Satisfy your sweet tooth

No party is complete without a delicious dessert! Offer up a platter of fresh fruit including options like mango, apples, oranges, strawberries, grapes, and pineapple for your party guests. You can make a simple dip by stirring together almond butter with maple syrup (to taste), adding just enough water for your desired consistency.

Dherbs CEO, A.D. Dolphin, Gives You the Raw Facts About Cleansing on the Steve Harvey Show – SAT Press Releases

Submit the press release

A.D. Dolphin, CEO of Dherbs Inc., will appear on the Steve Harvey Show on Monday, February 6th, 2017, to talk cleansing and raw foods. There’s more to a raw-foods diet than salads and smoothies, so A.D. demonstrates how to make simple and delicious raw recipes you can eat while cleansing.

LOS ANGELES, CA – February 4, 2017 –

Dherbs Inc., home of the Full Body Cleanse and premier online resource for herbal supplements, is showing millions of people how to reclaim their health via cleansing and raw food recipes.

A.D. Dolphin, CEO of Dherbs Inc., will appear on the Steve Harvey Show on Monday, February 6th, 2017, to demonstrate how easy it is to make raw food recipes. A.D. will also talk with Steve Harvey about how the Dherbs Full Body Cleanse recently helped Harvey lose 12lbs. It was a journey that Steve completed before, but he made it through this time with A.D. helping him along the way.

While participating in the Full Body Cleanse, the person must eat a raw-foods diet consisting of fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, raw nuts, and seeds. A.D. shows that eating raw foods is much more than salads and smoothies. He gets creative and makes zucchini noodles, raw walnut tacos, and a kale smoothie that tastes like ice cream. All three of these recipes have ingredients that offer essential nutrients you need in your daily diet. Get on board the raw food train to head toward a healthier lifestyle.

Tune in to “Steve Harvey” on Monday, February 6th, 2017, to see A.D. make raw recipes that can open the door to a healthier you. “Steve Harvey” airs weekdays. Check local listings or go to http://www.steveharveytv.com/watch/ for time and channel.

Photo Credit: NBC/Steve Harvey Show

About Dherbs Inc.:

Founded in 2004, Dherbs, Inc. is one of the world’s leading online herbal supplement companies. Its flagship product, the 20-Day Full Body Cleanse, has been used by over 3 million people all over the world to optimize their health and help them lose weight.

Follow Dherbs Inc. on Social Media:

Facebook – @dherbsfamily

​Instagram – @dherbs

​Twitter – @dherbs

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Instagram – @iamsteveharveytv

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Original Source: Dherbs CEO, A.D. Dolphin, Gives You the Raw Facts About Cleansing on the Steve Harvey Show

Pots full for prosperity and peace – KERALA

Hundreds of women took part in the ‘Kalamkanippu mahotsavam’ at the Plalakkunnu Bhagavathi temple, near Udma, on Friday. The women carried raw food items in earthen pots on their heads as an offering to propitiate the deity.

The women, hailing from the dominant Ezhava community, visit the temple, situated adjacent to the Kanhangad-Kasaragod State highway at Plalakkunnu, after observing fast for a number of days. They carry raw food articles along with betel leaf and areca nuts and tender coconut leaves.

Other communities

Women from other communities in and around the region, too, could make the offering to the deity by entrusting the food items to their acquaintances from the Ezhava community.

The devotees were served raw rice porridge along with pickles in the shrine, also unique for its tastefully engraved architectural dome akin those in Tamil Nadu.

Although the temple is widely known for the ‘Bharani mahotsavam’ held in the Malayalam month of Kumbham, in the last week of February, the ‘kalamkanippu’ ritual is similar to Attukaal Pongala in south Kerala.

Though women are considered an integral part of the annual ritual, the temple authorities do not prevent men also from taking part in the event.

After segregating the raw food produce, the temple authorities take painstaking efforts to prepare the delicacies strictly abiding by the set conventions and distribute the “prasadam” to the participant devotees the following day.

2017’s Huge Food Trends – The New Yorker

Here are the hottest food trends that will be filling your Instagram feed and mouths for the next twelve months:


These lovely little fruits won’t just color-match your mood, they’re jam-packed with antioxidants and vitamin C—which is a great thing, because you’re going to need all the help you can get staying healthy when you can no longer afford to go to the doctor! Eating lots of blueberries in 2017 will give your immune system a much needed boost and help your body stave off polio, which we expect to be reintroduced this year as well!


Whether you want to support our melting pot of a democracy by embracing the cuisine of one of our largest minority groups or support the President by sharing in the greasy bastardized tragedy known as the taco bowl, one thing is clear: Mexican food is hot, hot, hot. You won’t need to climb any walls to get to these tasty treats—we’re predicting there will be a taco truck on every corner. Yum!


You may remember that dark, leafy green that was popping up everywhere from salads to smoothies last year—well, it’s getting a classy upgrade and a mandatory, government-regulated name change! Now that it costs three times more than it used to, we’re hoping it will taste three times as good. Buy it from the only place it’s now available, the Trump Shopping Network. And don’t forget that it’s illegal to call it by its former name.


Have increased health-care costs and the ever-shrinking middle class rendered restaurants too costly? Are you a woman or minority who’s nervous about going out in public due to the increase in hate crimes? Did you forget to become super-rich before that became the only group with any hope of getting a tax break? Well, this year’s food trend is tailor-made for you! Cooking at home, away from the angry slurs and pussy grabbing, is going to be all the rage.


If you’re tired of missing out on the delicate flavors of food because you can’t stop thinking about what’s happening in the world and crying onto your plate, you’re in luck! Good chefs know that, instead of fighting natural flavors, you’ve got to elevate them—and that’s why you’ll find briny olives on everything from appetizers to the ice cream you got because eating ice cream at least reminds you of when you used to be happy, which is better than nothing.


One of the most exciting trends predicted for this year will make all of our mornings a little sweeter. Gone are the days when we savored our chocolate as a small reward after dinner. In 2017, given that nuclear war could be launched by a tweet, we’re going to be all about eating all the candy, all the time, starting the very moment we wake up.


The start of a new year always puts health at the forefront of everyone’s mind—gym memberships go up, and we all promise that we’ll finally start that diet. Foodies are making those resolutions a little easier by embracing the raw-food movement. By the end of the year, lighting a fire will likely give away your hiding place to the bands of weaponized “patriots,” so get used to your culinary future now by stocking up on carrot sticks and hopefully-not-poisonous foraged mushrooms!


The last few years have been all about diets and detox, but why bother drinking tea when you can drink tequila? In fact, why bother doing anything else at all? Trump is our President; every day presents a new opportunity for horrifying assaults on our rights, our bodies, and basic decency. But, remember, you can’t fear tomorrow if you’re too drunk even to know it’s today! Happy 2017, everyone!